I have a wonderful daughter that I love very much, but I certainly don't understand her. How can you love someone so much, yet not be able to stand them at times? I never thought I would ever meet anyone lazier than I am, but I think she is. For the last year I have been working on changing a behavior she has regarding left over food. She refuses to put her plate up or scrape it in the trash. She will get a snack and go off somewhere to eat and I will find a moldy plate or cup later. She was shoving everything under the couch for a while. I have done everything I can think of to change this behavior, but she persists. She also ran off to her friends house yesterday and I didn't know where she was. She was supposed to be checking if the dog had food and then I couldn't find her. I was so scared. She has a chore list, but never does them. I can tell her to do something and she ignores me. She can't follow through on anything. She has a bedroom and a playroom, but her toys are all over the place. She is so busy that I can never seem to get ahead of her. I would settle to even be two steps behind her, but I feel like I am running a race I will never finish.
I just don't understand her behavior. I have spanked her, taken away privileges, grounded her, offered to pay her if she minded, tried love and logic, and nothing has worked so far. I know she is a wonderful girl, but I don't know why she chooses to act this way. I feel like a total failure as a mom. I can't seem to get ahead of her messes, and everyday that starts out great ends up in failure. I don't think I can celebrate today. Instead it seems like a day to mock my failure.
13 years ago
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4 comments:
Girl, it is all normal. Now, the defiance is a strong-willed thing. We still fight with Garrett to clean up, if it wasn't for us he would lose his rear-end! Guthri is some better but still has issues. The sad part is that she cannot control her behavior either. You have not failed, she has not failed, it is who she is. Find a middle ground and be happy with it! Hang in there. Raising kids is soooooooooo difficult.
Oh, Steph, I wish I could give you great advice. I wish I could tell you what works with me. However, we are still working on Ashlynn's behavior. We are constantly changing the way we disciplining her. I did watch one thing on 'Nanny 911' that might help. She had the children pick 10 of their favorite toys. They could keep them out to play with. All the rest of the toys went into buckets and stored for further use. The boys got to play with their toys, but if they did not behave, one of their toys went into the bucket and they only had 9. The process went on. If the boys were really responsible and had good behavior for an amount of time, then they got to get another toy for a total of 11, and so on. It seemed to work for them, but then again, it is a TV show.
like i said in email.... I think you cold stop the food thing by just not letting it leave the dining area. I know it is an old habit that will be hard to break.. just become the drill seargent on the other issues and don't let her move to the next thing until she has cleaned up after herslef or the first thing she was doing. I'm probably just talking cause i'm the mean old aunt who doesn't let up. i'll seriously pray for you on this one cause God may be the only answer. How much does she like softball? is that something you coudl use as leverage? did she ever get a bat? maybe you can reward her with that if she doens't have one and if she shows improvement.
Stephanie-
First of all stop beating yourself up. Good grief. You are right where Satan wants you - defeated and discouraged. Second, I believe in the power of God's Word. That may sound like hokey SS advice, but it works! You need to pray scripture over your daughter and you need to hide it in your own heart as well. From January - March I was really down and could not find my way out of the pit. It was not until I memorized scripture that I could even begin to see any hope. We also had an issue with Isaac about a year ago where he stole some things...not major incidences but we wanted to nip it in the bud. We had him memorize "Thou shall not steal" and it worked! It's not magic, but it's the sword God has given us to fight sin in our life! Third, I would highly recommend that you find a good Christian counselor for you and your daughter. When I worked at the Baptist Children's home, I went to therapy with the residents in my home. Any time the counselor included me in the child's session, I left feeling empowered! Since you are a single mom you need support and someone to help you sort through the issues you and your daughter are having. Just make sure you find a Christian because your want to make sure his/her wisdom is from the Lord. And this is officially the longest comment I have ever left. I'm praying you will be encouraged...none of this will be easy! And listen to your aunt Sue, she has good advice and has raised two incredible daughters! :-)
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