Yes, I think I have completely lost it this time. I put my big bottom in a place it didn't belong and now I have three huge bruises. Yep, that's right. Friday, I casually leaned up against this little rolling table that I have had forever, and it collapsed (my big bottom probably scared it to death). I fell, but not before my pants got hung up on a screw and I lingered for a while. Scaring kids and forcing my friend to go into survival mode by holding out her arms like you would for a child, I lingered, then plummeted to my final destination...the floor. Yep, I landed on top of a heap of what used to be a darn useful little rolling table. I knew that my leg/hip/bottom hurt where the screw scraped it, but hours later it was a five inch whelp with two red streaks. Ciara saw the blood and said, "It's bad momma, really bad." It wasn't bleeding bad at all, it was my pride that died. After spending a night of fitful sleeping on the right side with NO possibility of rolling over, I discovered that my arm was bruised, right about the place it rests on the table when I type (of course). Today I discovered my other arm was bruised also. Those must be the places where I broke the walls of that "used to be darn useful little rolling table" as I plummeted downward. Yep, it is gone and I have lost it. Has anyone seen my pride????
Pro 16:18Pride goes before destruction, and haughtiness before a fall.
I've also lost my mojo. At Friday's event, I decided that I couldn't do anything until I moved a desk and a shelf around and arranged a space for me. (Hence the reason there was an available rolling table to lean upon.) I have recently learned that I am an all or nothing girl. I want all my scrapping supplies around me (or at least in the same room with me) when I work. A year ago, I had moved all my supplies into the house and set up a craft room here. This winter I cleaned out the shop and was going to open it back up and have events out there. So I moved most of my stuff back. It has been one of those move it when I need it sort of things. I haven't designated a "place" for me out there. Because of the arrangement and where the big tables are, I can't figure out how to do what I really want to do. I finally called a friend and asked him to help me move furniture. Then I sat for literally hours staring at the desk, thinking, where do I put stuff and what do I do now. I finally came inside. I feel lost. Until I have a place and put everything in reach, I won't be able to really work like I want.
Luke 19:10For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost."
Along with my pride and mojo is my desire to go to church. I just want to be lazy and sleep late on Sundays. I just don't have the desire to go through the whole get dressed up and go thing. I have been feeling this way for a long time and go simply for Ciara's sake. She needs to go to her Sunday School class. Well, I used to feel that way, but I have discovered that there are so many different ways to learn about God. Not that I don't think Sunday School is extremely important. I know it is. I still remember the gems I learned way back when. But for me, I rarely learn anything important in Sunday School anymore. I learn my gems nowadays from other people and from God working through them and in me. I learn from reading about someones life and the choices they made and how they felt God speaking to them. I learn by watching what is going on around me and seeing how God is moving. I learn from studying the scripture. I have learned not to guess what God is going to do, because I can't possibly understand his ways. I accept that. I just try to fit in with his plan. That's where the title of the blog comes in...Seeing the Beauty. I just look around me and see the beauty God has created. I don't guess at things I don't understand. I don't listen to legalism telling me I should do this or that (well, except when it comes in the form of mothering). I don't ask why? (well, maybe sometimes, but I might as well not cause I don't get an answer.) Focusing on the beauty is much better than trying to figure out things I don't understand.
| Hbr 10:25 | And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage and warn each other, especially now that the day of his coming back again is drawing near. |
I may have lost my pride, mojo, and desire, but I am still hanging in there. If you are still reading this, then I want to thank you for all the comments, prayers, and support. You have really encourage me, esp. about my job as a mother. Here is a great big hug to all my blogger friends:) XOXOXOXO
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3 comments:
Oh My! We've got to fix you up, woman! So sorry about your "boo boos"! Your mojo and desire - we will find it - promise! I'll help! You are special - 9 more days!
I'm not sure what mojo is, but I know what you mean. We rearranged two rooms this weekend, and I just had to sit and stare at the space because I couldn't figure out where it should go. I had to have another's opinion and ear to talk it through.
Ecclesiastes 4:9
"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work."
It also helps me to sleep on it and come back the next day. Usually a good idea pops up after a good night's sleep.
And about the church thing, the scripture says to meet together to encourage one another...and another scripture says "as iron sharpens iron." We need to explore this one more to see what exactly that means. Could it be that it is just as disobedient to attend a place where you are not encouraged or challenged, as it is to not go at all? Well, by even attending a church, we are at least hearing God's word preached. And even if the worst of preachers is reading God's living & active word, then God can teach through it. Hang in there. I love you! And I hope you heal up quickly.
Random thought--my friend who retired from a dermatologist's office told me that vaseline is just as effective at preventing an infection as neosporin, and better for those who are allergic to neosporin. And good for minimizing scars too.
How is the healing? I'm hurting just imagining how you were falling and demolishing a table who had once been your helper. :-) I can understand the mojo, too, as often i just want to 'straighten' things up, knowing full well that if I do that, I won't have any time to actually work on any project....and also in the process get so discouraged as i see how many unfinished projects there are, so it's better to get to work on those and leave the mess. I think your mom had the perfect u-shaped work area.
I don't have the right answer to give you about church. It sounds as if Satan is playing with your mind and trying to fill you with reasons why you don't want to go and making them sound so good. I don't know if you are talking 'church' or Sunday School and church. I fully agree that you need to go so that Ciara will. She needs to build that background that you have because you do have something to fall back on if you don't attend church. from going with you once though, I can see that your going is an encouragement to others. No guilt trip....but how many lives are you influencing by attending, even tho you may not be truly worshiping. A lot of times we must do things we don't 'want' to do and this may be one for you. Keep giving God that opportunity to work in your life and claim the victory that He wants for you.You have been His child and HIS Servant for a long time and I know He is counting on you to help reach those that don't know Him. I just encourage you to keep on keeping on, even when it isn't the easy path. I'll join you in praying that He will show you the desires of His heart for you and then going to church for true worship will be something exciting...not something you'd rather sleep through. You are soooooooo important to me and I love you.
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