Alone

Tonight I feel so alone - well, I am all alone, but I mean I feel like I am alone in the world. While storms rage around me, my heart is raging also. I want my mom. I don't want to be the grown up. I don't want to face this all by myself. I don't want to be the one to make decisions and deal with things. I want my dad to help out and give me fatherly advice. I want my step-mother to talk to me on the phone for a while and not have to run do something. I want my family to care about me and realize that I have no parents to get support from, no husband to help lighten the load and that I am tired of doing this all by myself. I am tired of being strong. I want someone else to lean on and someone to make everything alright. But it will never be alright. We just have to live with it the way it is - handle it - go on - deal with it - get over it. I feel the darkness creeping around waiting to swallow me. I fight against it, knowing the despair it brings. Now, I welcome it - let it come engulf me and take my worries and pain. Bring the numbness. Bring relief.