Church Dilemna

My soul is at war....at least it feels that way.  Do you ever have a decision to make and it seems like you are fighting against yourself?  I feel that way now.  Two weeks ago I went to church with my friend.  I told you that I wasn't looking for a new church home and I really wasn't.  I love the people at my church, yet I don't want to go there for other reasons.  So I haven't.  I haven't gone there in a very long time.  I have drifted away from church and God.  I have been going down a self destructive path.  I have been a bad mother and influence on my child.  I don't like being that way.  When I went to the new church a few weeks ago, my soul war started.

I went again last week.  I don't know why.  I just woke up and went.  The preacher preached on Bride and Groom!!  Ha ha for me.  Since we got there late, it just wouldn't do to leave as soon as we got there.  I learned so much as the preacher had congregation members reenact the process of that day of bargaining for the bride and getting ready for the groom to come.  It was an awesome message.  I envisioned in my mind all the preparation going on in heaven for the Groom to come get His Bride (us).  I pictured in my mind God looking around to see if all was ready and looking toward Jesus to tell him, "Go get your bride."  Things we won't even be able to fathom await us there!!

I made sure to tell my friend this week that we would be returning to our own church.  There is a strong Sunday school class for Ciara there.  I have a good Sunday school class.  I am historian of the WMU and involved in the Heart to Heart program.  I have dear friends there. Ciara is involved in AWANA there.  Why, then, do I not want to go there?  Well, there is this one issue that outweighs all that. 

I told Ciara, we are going back to our own church this week.  My friend is out of town anyway, so she won't be at the new church.  Why did it take me an hour to fall asleep last night thinking about going to church?  My soul is warring with itself over where to go.  The new church is losing it's youth director and worship leader.  Why would I want to be involved in all that? Music is very important to me.  Satan knows that is where he can get me, so he is already trying at a church I haven't even said I would go to!!  Isn't he on the ball???  Dirty old thief!!!   Why am I awake already thinking about where I will go to church?  Why do I fight this?  I mean, the new church is great and I am happy there and there isn't the issue that is keeping me from going like at the old church.  I never got into this to join a new church, yet I feel so drawn to the new one. 

The new Christians in the bible days didn't have to worry about this decision.  There was one church.  Can you imagine if there were one church in Childress?  In some ways, it would be nice to see the people I love from other churches, but can you imagine how much we would fight?  There is only one heaven.  I wonder if God cares which church we go to as long as we go?  I like to think he does.  I like to think he puts Bodies of Christ together and gives you an important part to play in a church.  I wonder if his plan is for me to go to this new church.  I have already decided that I am going to go back there today.  I don't know why, I just did.  I swear, though, if his sermon is anything on marriage, I may never go again!!! lol