Wow, the title says so much.... Today our pastor challenged us with this question: What is a human life worth? It got me thinking. I guess I am still thinking about it cause I just don't really know what I want to write. I have so many feelings jumbled all up and flying around in my brain that I can't capture them and organize them.
The message made me think of my worth. I kept thinking that it wouldn't have really mattered if I had been one of those aborted babies cause my life wasn't much....Thank you very much Satan for making me feel this way again.... I only mention this cause maybe someone else out there feels the same way. Maybe we can band together and fight through this to realize our worth.
I recently heard a song on the radio that was so beautiful. It touched me, and I decided I want this song at my funeral. I began planning my funeral. I want someone to preach a rousing sermon, I want someone to sing this song, and I want an altar call at the end instead of people going by and looking at my cold dead body. I do realize how weird this is!! Anyway, as I was listening to the sermon today and Satan started telling me, blah, blah, blah, your life isn't worth anything, I started thinking about what they would say about me at my funeral.
Well, they would say that I wasn't a good student. I barely scraped by in school and never studied or applied myself. (God's great sense of humor that he kept me in school FOREVER!!) I wasn't a nice child. I was mean to my cousins and didn't obey my mother. I fought with my grandmother. I had a failed marriage.I was overweight (the root of many of my issues!!), I had an unhealthy lifestyle. I wasn't a very good mother. (There are tons of people who tell me that. Thanks again Satan!!) I wasn't very good at my job. I never won any awards, I never invented anything, I am not much good at anything.
So what is the positive??? Honestly, I tried to find something. I kept all those foster children, but you and I both know that someone else could have done it. I adopted that little girl, but even she tells me she would have been better off with someone else! Expendable... that is what my life might seem.
Expendable?????
It might seem that way to you or someone else, but I have a CREATOR. HE knew me before I existed. HE knit me together in my mother's womb. He loved me so very much that HE gave the ultimate sacrifice to save me from Satan's lies. I am not expendable to him.
When will I ever get it???
Someone else could have taken in all those foster children, but they didn't and I DID!!! I stayed up at night with them and rocked them to sleep and bought them clothes and cooked their food and combed their hair and told them Jesus loved them. They might not have liked me and they may not remember me, but I was there. I have taught hundreds of children. I was the one planning their lessons, helping them learn to read or add or subtract. For 24 years I have championed for my students and told them they could do it. I have fought battles with them and seen them grow. Oh sure, they could have been in another teacher's room, but they weren't. They were in my room and I taught them. And that baby girl....Oh yeah, she could have gone to another family to adopt her.... maybe a wealthy family with a mother and a father and a nice brick house with brothers and sisters.....but for whatever reason God chose to put her with me and let me be her mom. Although there are moments that we both wonder why, we are family, forever, ordained by God. I am not expendable to her.
I think this lesson is coming to me now cause I have messed up so badly that I don't ever feel I could be worthy. I have messed up with my friends, I have messed up with my family and I have messed up as a mom. I have made mistakes that have hurt people so terribly that I don't feel I could ever be forgiven or loved again. Plus, it is winter and I am ready to hide under my bed until spring. Everything seems hopeless and helpless right now. Darkness is closing in and I don't have the strength to fight anymore.
I don't know what my life is worth. Honestly, don't have a clue. Someone could take my place and do it better I am sure. But it is important enough that God created me and breathed life into me. How important is that? There aren't words to say. The Creator of the universe created me, breathed life into me, and had a plan and purpose for my life. That sounds pretty important to me.
Chances are that this blog will be on the internet long after I have had that preplanned funeral service. What if someone reads it then and wonders if their life is worth anything??? That's the best reason I can think of for writing this blog. Life isn't accidental. God creates life. He has a purpose for you. He loves you.
OK, that's enough. I am crawling under my bed. Someone come and get me when spring is here!!
The message made me think of my worth. I kept thinking that it wouldn't have really mattered if I had been one of those aborted babies cause my life wasn't much....Thank you very much Satan for making me feel this way again.... I only mention this cause maybe someone else out there feels the same way. Maybe we can band together and fight through this to realize our worth.
I recently heard a song on the radio that was so beautiful. It touched me, and I decided I want this song at my funeral. I began planning my funeral. I want someone to preach a rousing sermon, I want someone to sing this song, and I want an altar call at the end instead of people going by and looking at my cold dead body. I do realize how weird this is!! Anyway, as I was listening to the sermon today and Satan started telling me, blah, blah, blah, your life isn't worth anything, I started thinking about what they would say about me at my funeral.
Well, they would say that I wasn't a good student. I barely scraped by in school and never studied or applied myself. (God's great sense of humor that he kept me in school FOREVER!!) I wasn't a nice child. I was mean to my cousins and didn't obey my mother. I fought with my grandmother. I had a failed marriage.
So what is the positive??? Honestly, I tried to find something. I kept all those foster children, but you and I both know that someone else could have done it. I adopted that little girl, but even she tells me she would have been better off with someone else! Expendable... that is what my life might seem.
Expendable?????
It might seem that way to you or someone else, but I have a CREATOR. HE knew me before I existed. HE knit me together in my mother's womb. He loved me so very much that HE gave the ultimate sacrifice to save me from Satan's lies. I am not expendable to him.
When will I ever get it???
Someone else could have taken in all those foster children, but they didn't and I DID!!! I stayed up at night with them and rocked them to sleep and bought them clothes and cooked their food and combed their hair and told them Jesus loved them. They might not have liked me and they may not remember me, but I was there. I have taught hundreds of children. I was the one planning their lessons, helping them learn to read or add or subtract. For 24 years I have championed for my students and told them they could do it. I have fought battles with them and seen them grow. Oh sure, they could have been in another teacher's room, but they weren't. They were in my room and I taught them. And that baby girl....Oh yeah, she could have gone to another family to adopt her.... maybe a wealthy family with a mother and a father and a nice brick house with brothers and sisters.....but for whatever reason God chose to put her with me and let me be her mom. Although there are moments that we both wonder why, we are family, forever, ordained by God. I am not expendable to her.
I think this lesson is coming to me now cause I have messed up so badly that I don't ever feel I could be worthy. I have messed up with my friends, I have messed up with my family and I have messed up as a mom. I have made mistakes that have hurt people so terribly that I don't feel I could ever be forgiven or loved again. Plus, it is winter and I am ready to hide under my bed until spring. Everything seems hopeless and helpless right now. Darkness is closing in and I don't have the strength to fight anymore.
I don't know what my life is worth. Honestly, don't have a clue. Someone could take my place and do it better I am sure. But it is important enough that God created me and breathed life into me. How important is that? There aren't words to say. The Creator of the universe created me, breathed life into me, and had a plan and purpose for my life. That sounds pretty important to me.
Chances are that this blog will be on the internet long after I have had that preplanned funeral service. What if someone reads it then and wonders if their life is worth anything??? That's the best reason I can think of for writing this blog. Life isn't accidental. God creates life. He has a purpose for you. He loves you.
OK, that's enough. I am crawling under my bed. Someone come and get me when spring is here!!
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1 comment:
I would like to hibernate with you until spring...i'm thinking bears are much wiser than people realize. Loved what you said in this blog...parts of it anyway. Your life is SO VALUABLE!!!!!!! You have touched more lives than you know and in more ways than you know or will ever know. God made you.....and kept you here for a reason and we are so glad that we get to be part of that reason. Love you so much!!
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